It is indeed a sad reality that many men in South Asian societies are burdened with the responsibility of providing for their families from a very young age. They are expected to work tirelessly and sacrifice their own needs and desires for the sake of their families. This mentality is often perpetuated by the older generation, who believe that a man's worth is measured by his ability to earn money and provide for his family.
It is important for parents to understand that their sons have their own lives and dreams, and they should be given the space and freedom to pursue them. Pressuring them to work day and night to provide for the family only leads to burnout, stress, and unhappiness. Parents should also encourage their sons to save for their future and prioritize their own needs and desires.
Furthermore, the idea that a lavish wedding is necessary is a cultural construct that puts unnecessary financial pressure on the groom. A wedding should be a celebration of love and commitment, not a show of wealth and status.
If the focus is on investing the money in the future of the bride and groom rather than spending it on a one-day wedding celebration, then men wouldn't have to bear the burden of loans and would be better prepared for their family's and future children's needs.
It is crucial to break away from these outdated and harmful societal norms and to start valuing men not just for their ability to earn money, but also for their emotional well-being, personal goals, and relationships. Men should not be burdened with the heavy shoulders of providing for their families alone, and they should be given the support and freedom to live fulfilling lives on their own terms.
I hope no one takes offense to what I'm saying, as I'm not suggesting that a man should not take care of his family responsibilities. Of course, as a son and brother, he has certain duties to fulfill. However, putting excessive pressure on him without considering his own well-being is not fair.
To the men who are reading this, please don't misunderstand my message. I'm not suggesting that you should abandon your responsibilities towards your parents and family, have a carefree life, and spend your money recklessly. It's important to maintain a sense of responsibility and balance your life between your own needs and the needs of your family, even when they don't explicitly ask for your help. However, my point is that there are some families who constantly take from their sons without contributing anything in return, and this is not fair or sustainable
Contribution doesn't necessarily mean monetary support, but rather teaching valuable life skills such as saving, managing finances, investing, and how to take care of his marriage and family lives etc. Even a few words of encouragement can go a long way. I recall an incident where my partner's brother called to see our newborn baby for the first time, but instead of well-wishing, he immediately asked for money. Despite knowing how much we had spent on medical expenses, he continued to pressure my husband to borrow and lend him money that he didn't intend to repay. This has occurred multiple times, and my husband feels obligated to help his siblings, thinking it's an act of love, not realizing he's being taken advantage of or the fact that he is falling into debt which is takiya toll on his family life. The fact that his brother didn't even ask about the baby was upsetting. Verbal expressions of love are insufficient if they aren't accompanied by actions to show it. Unfortunately, men in our society are often conditioned to give without discretion.
The sons also have a role to play in this. Since childhood, they are taught not to discuss their problems and weaknesses with their parents. In Asian parent-son relationships, open communication is often viewed as disrespectful or talking back, so sons are taught to stay silent even when they need to express themselves. This mental stress accumulates, causing them to feel suffocated, yet their parents continue to pressure them to provide for the family, regardless of the financial burden it may cause the son. This situation is unfortunate. Parents should acknowledge that their son has his own family to take care of. Now, let's conclude and explore what actions we can take to address this issue.
Is it possible for us to initiate change? Can we work towards achieving financial independence so that we don't have to rely on anyone else to take care of us in the future? Can we encourage our sons to explore their own paths and live a fulfilling life rather than placing the burden of repaying us on their shoulders? Can we refrain from expecting too much from our children, and instead provide them with quality education, instill good values, and shower them with love? By doing so, we can expect them to reciprocate the love and care when we are old, even without asking for it. Winning in life comes from doing things out of pure love, without expecting anything in return.
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